I Know What I Should Do. So Why Can’t I Do It?

I know I should be writing more blog posts. It’s helpful to me as a therapist on every level—marketing, SEO, clarifying my thoughts to myself—so why can’t I do it?

This is a question I hear my clients ask me frequently, and clearly, I can relate.

“I know what I should do. Why can’t I just do it?”

Maybe you know you should exercise more. Maybe you know you need to have a difficult conversation with your partner. Maybe you know you should stop checking your phone at night, apply for the job, set a boundary, get started on the project, or finally make the appointment.

You know.

And yet, somehow, knowing doesn’t seem to be enough.

So what do I, as a Solution Focused Therapist, bring to the table when someone asks me this question? How can I possibly help?

Let’s imagine we’re in a session and you pose that question to me. Here’s how I might turn it into a therapeutic opportunity.

First, I might get curious about the part you already know.

I may, for starters, focus on the “I know what I should do” part of the statement.

This is the part where I hear strength.

It’s actually a remarkably confident statement. You’re telling me that you know. You’re not confused about what matters to you. You’re not completely lost about what you want or what direction you’d like to move in.

So I might ask:

What gives you the confidence that you know what you should do?

Or:

What tells you that you know?

And perhaps even:

What are ten things about you that make you someone who knows yourself and your situation well enough to know what you should do?

We might spend some time there.

Because possessing that knowledge is itself an accomplishment. And sometimes when we're frustrated with ourselves for not acting, we overlook what we're already doing well.

Then I might become curious about what happens when the problem is no longer a problem.

Rather than spending a lot of time trying to figure out why you can't do it, I might invite you to imagine that you already have an answer.

Suppose you had an answer to “Why can’t I do it?”—and it was exactly the answer you were hoping for.

And suppose that, somehow, this answer made a difference.

You found yourself doing the thing you already knew you wanted to do.

What would you discover happening?

What would you notice yourself doing differently?

What would other people notice?

What might you be doing that would tell you, “Ah. This is different. I’m actually doing it now.”

This is one of the things I appreciate about Solution Focused Therapy. We don't necessarily have to understand the problem perfectly before we can begin looking for movement.

Sometimes the more interesting question isn't “Why can't I do this?”

It's “How will I know when I am?”

Finally, I might look for a time when knowing actually led to doing.

I might ask:

Tell me about a time recently when you knew what you should do—and you did it.

I'd be curious about the details.

What was different about you?

What did you do?

How did you do it?

What did you notice about yourself?

And what difference did it make?

Maybe there was a time when you were reluctant but did it anyway.

Maybe you didn't feel motivated, but somehow got started.

Maybe someone helped.

Maybe the circumstances were different.

Maybe you had a little more confidence.

Maybe you broke the task down in a way that made it possible.

Maybe you surprised yourself.

Whatever the answer is, I'd want to know about it.

Because if you've done something like this before, even once, then the story becomes a little more interesting.

The question is no longer simply:

“Why can't I do what I know I should do?”

It becomes:

“What do I already know about how I become someone who does?”

And that, to me, is a much more hopeful question.

Maybe you don't need to become a completely different person.

Maybe you don't need to finally figure out what's wrong with you.

Maybe there is already some version of you who knows how to move from knowing to doing.

Therapy can be an opportunity to get curious about that person.