So you’ve identified a potential therapist with whom you’d like to work, and you’ve booked a consultation. Good job! Things are moving in a positive direction. 

Here is the third of 5 questions you can ask a potential therapist to see if that therapist would be a good fit. 

3. ”How do you start and end a session?

How a therapist starts and ends a session can be helpful to note when assessing if a potential therapist is a good fit. 

To start with the start: there are many ways that a therapist can begin a session.

• There is the standard question, “how are you feeling/ doing today?”

• There is the opening of inviting clients to report their progress with homework assignments from the previous session.
  

• There is the question about client's dreams from the previous night. 

The opening question, "how are you feeling/doing today?" is probably the most common way that therapists start sessions, so it's worth a look. This question, while it seems neutral, is an invitation for you to focus primarily on your problems. Certainly therapy is a safe-space to discuss problems and it is imperative that therapists acknowledge the real-life challenges, issues and traumas of our clients. However, this question shifts the focus of the conversation away from the possibility of things getting better.

I begin every session with an unusual (but very powerful) question: “what’s been better since we last spoke?” This question invites you to shift your attention from problems to the micro-solutions you have achieved between sessions. These micro-solutions might include instances where you resisted the urge to do something harmful, or moments where you tapped into some unused resource within yourself. The noticing of what’s better (and how you made it better) creates a new narrative about your strengths and opens up possibilities to continue making small moves in a direction of better. 

To end with the end: how therapists end sessions can reveal a lot about their philosophy. Most therapists end with an assumption that the client will return the following week. They may say, “let’s pick this up next week, same time.” Implicit in this is an assumption that you want to return next week! Such assumptions in therapy often leave clients feeling unseen and lead to the nurturing of dependence upon the therapist. 

I prefer to end sessions with a gentle inquiry into the client’s level of desire to return. I may ask, “would coming back next week be useful for you?” This question empowers you to take responsibility for your treatment. Implicit in this question (I hope) is respect for your autonomy and inner wisdom. 

I would love to hear your feedback on this post as well as how you would like your therapist to start or end a session. Please share your thoughts with me at jeremyfaintherapy@gmail.com